MY ULTRAVIOLENCE

–Illustration by JAVIER SUÁREZ

A few months after Born to Die dropped, I “borrowed” the unopened deluxe copy from some dude I was hooking up with along with Tyler The Creator’s Bastard and Outkast’s ATLiens. While I grew up on songs like "Jazzy Belle" and hated the world to Bastard, something was different about Born to Die. I could cruise to that CD drunk, sober, high, or whatever the fucking case was: Lana Del Rey was in my speakers. So after we finally received the long awaited Ultraviolence album, I was eager to see what Lana could produce.

Being the plump-lipped, self-obsessed, salty single twenty something year old that I am, I plunged into Lana Del Rey’s Ultraviolence video fullheartedly hoping that my whole existence would be clearly illustrated. When I received word that the 29 year old ex-Lizzie Grant had directed the music video on her own with only her iPhone, I was even more enthused.

Fuck, this is going to be amazing.

Since 2012, I had moved from a small town in Indiana into the shitty fucking city of Chicago. In case you haven’t heard, it’s where the fuck boys come to play. In other words, I fell in love with my first real asshole. I thought he was the one. I thought that my whole entire life had led up to the moments I was spending with him. He had me lost in a world I had forgotten existed. He took me places and told me things I couldn’t fathom hearing past my childhood. I was high on his love, literally. He was as sweet as fruit, but as bitter as the ending. Ultraviolence totally captured the feelings I was devoured by during the course of our relationship.  

The name alone references something deep. “Ultraviolence” is a term coined by Anthony Burgess in novel ‘A Clockwork Orange.’ Ultraviolence is defined pretty literally, an intense or ‘horrible horrible’ violence.

Lana begins by getting ready for the most important day of her life, her wedding. As she’s placing a veil around her head, she’s simultaneously speaking of the most beautiful and horrendous love she has ever been a part of. As the single progresses, we see Del Rey explain her relationship in depth.

There’s nothing more relatable than an unhealthy relationship you can’t let go of.

There’s an unimaginable sense of intimacy that radiates from the visuals. As she’s speaking of this love that is surrounded by terror and rage, she simultaneously is showing how beautiful that type of love can be. From her cold–yet–infatuated stares into her lover’s eyes to the delicate kisses she places on his fingertips, feeling the connection you had to an ex-lover is not far from reality.

Although my relationship with said fuck boy has been over for some time, the first time I watched this video I was completely engulfed by the content. I was taken back to the first few moments our relationship showcased its Ultraviolence. When his pensive stares turned blank, and love making turned into sex. There were moments of intense intimacy that were short after turned into the most destructive instances I have experienced in my twenty something years of living. For him, these violent moments brought our relationship to an end, while for me, I saw the depth of his soul every time we were at our lows. Even when we were fighting, I was still in his corner. No matter what he did to me, I was his and I thought he was mine.

Lana Del Rey continues to deliver the same nostalgic feeling Born To Die gave us in her new album Ultraviolence. For those of you saying she’s fallen off, fuck you. Fall in love, get your heart broken, date someone twice your age, do something, ANYTHING spontaneous, opulent and irresponsible and you can relate. Just like any being, Lana is growing as an artist and an individual.

Ultraviolence is the recollection of those moments that should have scared you away from your lover, but instead pulled you in so close because you saw the beauty in the breakdown.

Something of forever, or whatever.

–article by ANGELICA RUIZ